Happy Birthday Shivam

Shivam turns three today. I am so thankful to God to be able to see this day today. A couple of months ago, this was looking like an almost impossible dream.

Rewind back a few more months. In January, we thought of celebrating both Shivam's and Meera's birthday together this time. We had even talked to Mummy and Bapu and they also felt they might be able to make it by middle of May. Bundle Mummy-Bapu's anniversary and we had a triple impact party. We hadn't celebrated Shivam's birthday on a big scale till now and we thought this would be a perfect year to do so. Life was stable, work was stable, things were moving at a good pace, yada, yada...

But God had other things in his mind. Come March 19th, and all our plans were shattered and the theme changed to survival. But, as I said earlier, I am so thankful to God for allowing us to hold our precious little son on this day.

Tonight, as I was putting him to sleep (he sleeps on my bed, Urmila sleeps on his), I was hit by another wave of daddy love. He looked so small, so little, so vulnerable, I could help but hug him tighter and shower him with kisses. I placed my finger in his open palms and he wrapped his fingers around them, clinching his fist tight. I felt love and energy flowing through and this moment itched in my heart forever. It was a mental struggle to leave the bed and come share these moments and thoughts with everybody.

We debated a lot in the last few days on whether to celebrate his birthday or not. Although his counts are ok and he is generally well, he will be entering the "consolidation" phase on June 2nd. For the next two months, he will be undergoing severe chemotherapy and his counts will be near zero (if not zero). In the treatment schedule that we were given, it is mentioned that he may have 2-3 blood transfusions every week. Given these scenarios, even a slight bit of infection can be extremely dangerous for him and we felt it was not worth the risk. It was a tough call, but we made it. Hopefully, when Shivam reads this a few years from now, he will not be so mad at me for not celebrating his birthday.

Ms. Leah would be coming in the morning to start his birthday on a playful note. I have also placed his new tricycle (with a new fitting helmet of course) just in front of the stairs so that he can be surprised when he comes down in the morning with Bapu to make tea for everybody.

On a side note, we received 2 boxes to Kaju rolls (Cashew sweets) today. They were sent using Haldiram's online site. The problem is that Haldiram does not realize that they do not put the name of the sender. So, if you read this blog, if you have sent it, please stake your claim so that I can thank you when I gobble them down today.

I wanted to end this post today with a special message for Shivam. I found this poem here.

In all that you've accomplished
You've filled my heart with pride
Most important of all
It's who you are inside

My feelings for you
Comes from deep in my heart
And I miss you so much
Whenever we're apart

It's a real blessing
To have a son like you
Without you in my life
I don't know what I'd do

Happy Birthday my dear son...