Reflection: On cancer and me

Going back a few decades, my mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was a little boy. I saw that horror through the eyes of a young boy who saw his Mom going through immense pain. I still have vivid memories of the pain she went through. The doctors had given up hope on her. This was in late 1970's in India and the treatment options were not as advanced then. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. But it was her sheer will power that brought her out of that illness. She fought through radiation therapy, chemo therapy and God knows what else. I do remember that they use to stuff (literally stuff) with 1/2 kg butter cubes and litres of cold milk just before radiation and she use to puke everything out within 1/2 hour. Stuff that was boiling out. Such was the power of radiation. When I talk to my family about how she had such strong will power, they told me she wanted to see me settled down. After 18 years of cancer, she passed away peacefully after I got married and settled down. She led a very happy, satisfied and content life.

Now I am again reliving that nightmare as a parent. My little boy is going through immense pain and I can again just sit and watch helplessly. Actually, not helplessly. I can hold his hand and carry him him in my arms through this. I have more strength this time. I remember a very nice poetry that someone once sent to me. You can read it here.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson